Freud was particularly interested in the psychoanalytic school of thought and the founder of psychoanalysis. He believed that our unconscious minds are responsible for many of our behaviors. According to Freud, he thought that there was a significant relationship between slips of the tongue and what we are actually thinking. Today these are called Freudian slips. Similarly he believed that we get information, like our fears and wishes, out by just merely saying what comes to mind. He was able to tell a lot about people, including their past experiences, how they were feeling, and what they wished and feared, just by simply encouraging them to speak whatever came to mind.
In sitting down and tape recording myself speaking about anything that came to mind, a lot of unconscious thoughts about myself were revealed. I noticed myself speaking of things that I normally wouldnt have. For instance, I spoke of God, death, and negative things about my friends. I also said a lot of stuff that really made no sense at all. An exact piece of what I recorded myself saying was, I dont care. Thats just the way I am. I dont give a shit. Its like I dont know. Die. Maybe God will. Yeah maybe. Ha. Butterflies. Stand on walls, do that dance. Yeah Buddys cool. Stop. No. Eva. Duh. Shes so fucking stupid. Ugh. Drink. Yeah right. Who cares? Its little.
I have to admit. Those were some pretty strange lines I was saying on that tape recorder. Some of which I might indeed know where they came from. Lets begin at the start of the tape when I began with, I dont care. Thats just the way I am. I dont give a shit. This attitude of mine occurs quite frequent. If I were Freud, I would probably interpret this as to how I really feel about things. I in fact do have an I dont care attitude more times than none, but I didnt realize the severity of it till I heard this tape of myself. Aside from my schoolwork, rarely do I care about much. I never care about what people think of me or what other people do.
In the next segment, I said, Its like I dont know. Die. Maybe God will. Yeah maybe. I think here Freud would suggest that I was feeling lost and helpless and wishing for either an easy way out or help. This is very true. Many times Ive thought that dying would help to solve all my problems and make things all better. Shortly after, I realized that it wouldnt. Things would actually get worse. If I were to ever commit suicide, it would be against Gods will and He will instantly reincarnate me into a newborn, who later in life will have to deal with the exact same problem which I ran away from earlier in the previous life.
The next segment included, Ha. Butterflies. Stand on walls, do that dance. Yeah Buddys cool. This was to me very jumbled. In this piece, I would have to say that Freud would say that unconsciously, there was a link between a butterfly and me. To my knowledge, I cannot recollect where I would have a tie with butterflies. The part about standing on walls and doing that dance, I would say had something to do with my dream of being a dancer and a stuntwoman. All my life I dreamed of doing these things,
but I was never the right size. I was always too heavy and overweight to do many of the things I dreamed of doing.
In the last part, I said, Yeah Buddys cool. Stop. No. Eva. Duh. Shes so fucking stupid. Ugh. Drink. Yeah right. Who cares? Its little. Buddy is my cat. He is like a baby to me and Im like his mother. Eva is a friend of mine. She is a bit ditzy and does not have direction in her life. All she ever wants to do is smoke, drink, do drugs, and go clubbing. The part about Eva being stupid, I think Freud would explain that as how I really do feel about her. Although she is my friend, I never realized that the reason for me always being so sarcastic to her is because I couldnt stand the fact that she is so irresponsible and uneducated.
In doing this little project, I learned to interpret my subconscious behaviors into meaningful thoughts. Although they may have sounded dumb and ludicrous, I have realized that there really is meaning behind them. Had I done this prior to studying Freud, I would never have been able to understand the fact that we actually do think when we arent even aware of it, and that there actually is meaning to our unconscious thoughts.