The Faithless Wife

Grandpapi1: hill… first if she didnt want to talk i would understand more than you can fathom, second i 100% believed you
Grandpapi1: i have so much to say to her
Grandpapi1: this has been the worst and yet most awakening weekend of my life
Cool H11: i mean i guess that is a good thing…i’m not quite sure what to say
Grandpapi1: you dont have to say anything… although i kind of actually have some things to say to you too, believe it or not
Grandpapi1: would that be you are there and you are listening
Grandpapi1: this might take a sec to type
Grandpapi1: i realize at this point that you probably dont, and definitely shouldnt believe anything i say/type… but it isnt just michelle who i utterly disappointed in this situation… i feel like, and on some levels know, that everyone thinks that i have been completely dishonest about every single thing i have done or said that has been meaningful in a positive way… its like with michelle, she believes that i didnt meant anything i said to her… or i feel like with you its almost like when we were having such a good time dancing that i wasnt being me or something… and that isnt true at all, i just feel really really lost right now, i dont know whats going on, i mean i know that i havent dealt with things that i should have, i put them aside (i.e mike dying) for later because too much other *censored* is oging on right now…
Grandpapi1: ok i got more but it was too long to put in
Grandpapi1: i should have been more up front with how i had been feeling to her, not about michelle but in general…
Grandpapi1: its probably not that important after the fact
Cool H11: It is hard for me to respond to what you say because you completely broke my best friend’s heart…but, I will try to not have too much of a bias opinion…
Grandpapi1: about what is going on
Cool H11: will…i honestly think you are a great person, but I can’t lie and say that you completely and utterly dissapointed me…i don’t really understand your personal situation, but i feel that no matter what is going on in your life, nothing and absolutely nothing can justify how you made michelle feel
Grandpapi1: i am in no way making excuses… i dont have one
Cool H11: i think about our times in jamaica and i hate myself for not knowing and recognizing what was going on…right in front of my eyes…i think about us dancing and how we talked about michelle and i feel like a complete idiot…
Cool H11: i guess i just don’t understand, and i’m sure i never will…
Grandpapi1: im not exactly a simple person
Cool H11: i completely understand this…
Cool H11: but i feel like you made things more difficult for yourself
Grandpapi1: oh i figured that out
Grandpapi1: but that was part of it… its like ive been slipping for so long… i hit a point where i knew it was going to get a lot worse but i had to be honest about it and start over with a lot of people… myself included
Cool H11: i don’t expect you to explain to me your exact situation, but you have to stop playing with other people’s minds before you can be taken seriously again
Cool H11: obvioulsy the first step is knowing yourself…that is more important than anything, i truly believe that…but stepping over other people is not how to achieve this goal…
Grandpapi1: again i say it isnt important after the fact… but i never ever had any malicious thought in my head, and i know that doesnt even make much sense… but i wasnt trying to save myself by hurting her thi sbadly…
Grandpapi1: i just know that i have a lot to make up to he
Grandpapi1: and i have to start somewhere… i just dont know where
Cool H11: Will, i know you are going through rough times, and like I said, I do not and probably will never completely understand, but you are right by saying you must start somewhere, adn you obviously must give her as much time as posible…i honestly don’t know how long that is going to be
Grandpapi1: yeah i know… i wasnt really sure if i should call yet… but i really need to tell her this *censored*
Cool H11: you should have called
Cool H11: you definitely should have called
Cool H11: even if she isn’t ready to talk yet, the fact that you called is important
Grandpapi1: i was waiting till i thought we could talk… i mean obviously it wouldnt be happy chatting… but i cant make it up to her when she is just yellling… but i dont want her to stop being as angry as she is, i know i deserve it
Grandpapi1: is she even going to remember that i called her tomorrow?
Cool H11: yes, and don’t worry i will remind her
Cool H11: i just hope you learn from this, and it sounds like you will
Cool H11: i feel like in a way this was the tip of the iceberg…
Grandpapi1: well… the point is i am sorry… oh god you arent kdding… im sorry that i hurt her so much and sorry that on some levels i was dihonest to all of you
Grandpapi1: you mean tip of the iceberg with me?
Grandpapi1: yes that would be an understatement… at some points over the weekend i was ready to call it quits this semester so i could figure *censored* out
Cool H11: i mean that is definitely for you to decide…but what i meant is.,..i don’t think you could have picked a more innocent, lovable, and unbelievable person to hurt…so it was the tip if you will
Cool H11: and in your life, with all of this *censored* going on..obviously also the tip
Grandpapi1: true… and true… i know, she is the sweetest person i have ever met… i never deserved her… not the point though
Grandpapi1: i gotta try to get some sleep… this has been exausting… thanks for the chat cools
Cool H11: no prob…i hope you find whatever you are looking for Will…just be careful through your journeys
Grandpapi1: holy *censored* i will be
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